Oh geez, I'm sorry Hvert. I get that you may be contributing to the difficulties around conversations by letting things build up, but, yikes. When I hear you describe it, it just feels like he expects you to do things his way, without any compromises ever, or else he's going to throw some sort of fit.

re: Backing up into your car . That's nuts! I tend to think that if it wasn't related/on-purpose, he would have come clean immediately, because that's what normal adults in a relationship DO. You know, "Crap - I'm so sorry Hvert, I was trying to back out and couldn't see where I was going very well, and misjudged the distance and hit your car. The damage isn't too bad, but I'll take care of it... I'll call up the shop today and see when I we can get it in for repairs. *hugs*"

Not just letting it go, and only reluctantly confessing when you threaten to get security tapes (!!!). Wow.

You deserve better! Have you guys thought about couples counseling? I had a friend who who went, and her and her husband really got a lot out of it. They learned how to "argue" in a way that isn't attacking/hurtful, and how to have these hard discussions, and what things bug each other the most. Now, years later, she told me that they NEVER really argue - they sometimes disagree about things, and they sit down and discuss them and decide what to do, and that's it. It sounds kind of amazing (assuming you can find a good counselor, of course!)

Good luck...