I get what you're going through, because I am engaged in a similar struggle, but not to the same extent. Once I step back, I see that I am wanting my therapist to change (or collude as stopdog puts it), not me. And that makes therapy pretty pointless.

I guess I would ask: what are you wanting to get from this therapist? That would be one place to start. Let's say she changes her mind and agrees that you were the problem. Would that make therapy successful for you? I know in my case, it would make me feel a lot worse, not better.

I would answer the question she put to you this way: I can't expect you to white wash it, because I can't change you. I can only change myself. But I do want you to listen to why I try to white wash what the mother does and what's at risk for me if I don't.