>Thank you for elaborating.
You are weird, wolf. Its me who should thanking you, since you are the only one here who still trying to help me.

>Sounds like it's a confluence of things that have contributed to these emotions.
Yeah, its pretty complex. I find it very hard to express them properly. It may seems like im just bitter hateful guy, but its much more than it. I don't know how to explain it so the people would understand.

>Regarding a book recommendation.... What country are you located in?
Im from Russia, one of the most depressive countries in the world.

>If you only have local bookstores to choose from it may be more helpful to visit them, browse through the 'Self Help' section
This kind of section in our shops is very bad, full of some vulgar titles like "how to manipulate all the men around you and be the queen" or "how to dominate everyone and be the boss". Im afraid, there is nothing that is related to my situation. Recently i downloaded the book "Power of Now" on my kindle. Some people suggested it here and on other support forums. I have read 15% of it and i must say it has some strange effect on me. Maybe i will be able to gain something positive from this book, im not sure yet.