I find this interesting. I have never really been told to distance myself from my parents except if I felt that the relationship was harming me. In fact, previous T convinced me to contact my mom and try to allow her in my life.

I have worked on analyzing reasons why my mom couldn't mother me: childhood abuse, depency, low self-esteem, our family dynamics, and she worked at a preschool and spent her days raising other people's kids and didn't have energy to raise her own kids. But those don't excuse neglecting me and abusing me. I didn't choose to be born. I am who I am and shouldn't be ashamed of it. She choose to have me and knew what her responsibilities would be. My T helped me process how it's affected me, how to cope with it, etc. The end goal was to confront my mom and tell her how I felt. This was important to release me from blaming myself. It hurt my mom, but she did own up to her wrong and since, we've had a stable relationship.

My mom still does many things she used to. It's a part of her. I can choose to accept it and cope with it or distance myself from her. But it's MY choice. Since I choose to stay in a relationship with her, others need to respect my choice. So even though my fiance hates my mom, he's nice to her.

Side note: my family hates my fiance, they are nice to him because I choose to stay with him. My T and Pdoc don't like him either. They tell me to be open minded about leaving him, but it's still my choice.

So here's my suggestion: tell your T and husband that this is your choice. They don't have to respect or support your mother, but they need to respect and support you. At the same time, you might want to be more open to their feelings. They care about you and don't want to see you hurting. You have to respect their feelings on the matter. They are trying to protect you, not hurt you. The topic of your mother being in your life needs to be open for all parties to discuss. Honesty and openness will help all of you. It's seems like no one is hearing out the other and that leads to a stand still. Now, while it's your choice to keep your mom in your life and your H and T should support your decision, it's not fair to expect them to constantly "pick up the pieces". You have to take responsibility for your choice and learn to cope with the difficulties that come with the relationship.

That's jusy my opinion. You can disagree