I am so overwhelmed this past 2 days that I have just shut down. Some gift orders went crazy, so I have nothing for my twin granddaughters. It is cold and rainy, has been all day and now I am going to be forced to get out and go shopping in all the craziness. I have really been unable to figure out anything to get them, they seem to have everything. Can't get what I wanted to get them, it is all sold out.

Plus my sister basically is taunting me. We are having a very forced and awkward gathering at her house tomorrow. She changed what we had planned for me to cook, one of the things. She had told me at Thanksgiving that she did not want me or my family at her house for that holiday, but my dad is insisting that I get together with everyone and her on Christmas eve. Words cannot express how much I am dreading that. When she called today I could not sound enthusiastic for her phone call, and she giggled at my lack of Christmas spirit...basically she was mocking me which is her style. Very cruel!

So I am going to drag myself out to buy gifts at 8 pm, even though my anxiety is going to be way up with all the mess. Allthough I have been shut down all down, kind of paralyzed not wanting to do anything or make nice Christmas dishes like I usually do. It's fairly horrible to me right now. I have tried to give myself an attitude adjustment several times today but it's not working! I feel like I need prayers and or an exorcism. What a mess!