Hello Ensconce. Welcome to psych Central and thanks for posting. May I suggest you check to see if you have a history of mental illness in your family. It can be genetic. It may even skip a few generations. I'm adopted and did not know until just recently my birth mother had mental illness. It is the reason she had to give me and my siblings up for adoption. I have it and the one sister I grew up with does not. Do your research and go see a professional. I lived a long time without treatment and really suffered for it. You are your own best advocate. Take care of you and keep posting. Lots of support here.