Again i thank each of you for your words of support as i struggle with my psychological issues. Just got back from my journey out to their site.. Not at all what i expected. I'll hear back from them by the 1st of January. Yet at the end of the day i'm here stuck in thought about how badly i've betrayed myself and others. Everything that i ever needed to be completely happy and satisfied i burned to ashes. It is like my heart is no longer here. I can't even begin to understand why i did it or what is going on anymore. It's like i'm not in control of myself anymore. When i am in public lately all i see are people passing me by, like they are in different time frames than me, like everything is one big dream. All i can see in front of me is darkness, and although i am not afraid, it grows larger everyday. I dearly miss that woman who was at my side. When she was here i atleast had a peace of mind. But she will probably never forgive me for what i have done. How can i be expected to move on from this? My heart aches, my head turns, and everything around me is like a ticking clock with predestined experation dates. You know i've spent my whole life running and never stopping to think about the consequences it would bear. When you move so fast you can't expect other people to exist in your own time frame. There aren't many people who can keep up with someone who continually makes strides into the future. It's that loneliness that gets me. The loneliness and the fact that i am utterly on my own. How i wish people could forgive me as i have forgiven them and myself. I think i may try to get away for a bit to clear my head.