Quote:
Originally Posted by granite1
i completely agree that it is not my husbands responsibility to be picking up the pieces from me dealing with the mother.i try to protect him from that as much as i can by keeping it to myself .although there are times that memories and just horribleness takes over and i am miserable . i hate that and do work to control that. but i would hope that my T would help me in learning to accept the mother and be able to deal with her but her attitude is that the best is to limit contact as she is still very disturbed and abusive. she explained that she does not see the mother as being remorseful or anything around the abuse and is not going to ever change to help the relationship. i don't know how to change that only me.
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You can't change your mom. You can't change anyone except yourself. But it's still your choice to accept whoever you want to in your life.
And I hope my response didn't come across that I think you H shouldn't support you ever concerning your mom. Whether your mom is in your life or not, you still have to learn to cope with the trauma you experienced. And for that you should have your loved one's support. Just he shouldn't have to "rescue" you. I hope that makes sense.
I do understand wanting a relationship with your mom. Good or bad, she's your only biological mother. Just know that nothing will ever fill the hole that was left. You have to build up yourself in order for the hole to no longer be such a big part of your life. And I do hope you can clearly express to your T and H your feelings and your needs from them concerning you mom, and I hope they come to respect and accept your decision and support you.