For me mixed episodes are the worst, hands down - although I have never experienced pure psychotic mania. I tend to be deeply depressed, hypomanic or mixed. When I am mixed I become wild and crazy. Sleep is hard to find but I feel so desperate for it, as an escape from the hell I am in. Often I am extremely suicidal, volotile, full of rage and vey delusional. Meds can be poured into me and I still pace, unable to rest. I want to cut my body into a million pieces or do other kinds of violence to myself. My thoughts race and tend towards darkness. All my suicide attempts have occured while in mixed states. It is always a miracle to me that I survive these states. I shudder now just thinking about it.