Thanks for the support, Bluegrey. I'm empathising with you, too.

Feel like i'm functioning through a haze at the moment. The only clarity is in the sharp stabbing pain around the disc and the constant ache in my arm. It's so draining, mentally and physically. And xmas is such a bad time for triggers and flashbacks anyway. Feel like i'm losing my mind.

My care manager was kind and supportive and sympathetic and validating. All of which i really needed as there's the present day agony to deal with, plus there's so much childhood stuff coming up around experiencing pain and needing support and comfort but not receiving it. I always had to clean myself up and put myself back together, and if i showed any signs of distress, i was ridiculed.

So to have B., and my T, show so much care (and tell me they wish they could do more) has been helpful. And i have concrete 'extras' from each of them to hold onto and remind me that, while i'll be physically alone for a while, they're still with me.

And i have this thread to vent in.