i think it is amazing about how responsible you are being around this decision. that just shows what a wonderful mom you will be when you get pregnant. all this sounds so painful for you .i don't have a lot of answers for you but tons of hugs if you want them .if you can try to let your T know again how hard this is for you. maybe try to tell her she needs to listen to you . so maybe the decision to wait has been made but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt horribly and that you need support around this