Quote:
Originally Posted by SallyBrown
Scarlet,
I've been away from this site for a long time so I may be asking something you've made clear before, but why do you want to avoid breaking down in session? Not that I don't get it -- I do, in fact, I still find myself holding back tears in session even when what I would like to do is cry and have my T see how upset I am. But I'm wondering what it is for you. Sessions are for exactly this, for showing how much emotion you're really feeling. So yes, I would say, talk about it, and let the tears flow, even though that might be terrifying.
One other thing I would like to add: I am 31, almost 32. I had wanted a baby for a very long time, but was either in school, in a crappy relationship, or both. My friends were having babies and I had to step away from Facebook for a long time because it hurt to see all their sweet little ones, and it made me upset with myself because I wanted to be happy for them, not sorry for myself. I had an unplanned pregnancy that ended quickly in a miscarriage, and it was devastating.
I am saying this to you because 6 months ago I did have a baby, and I wanted to tell you: I am happy I waited. You are struggling so much now, grieving constantly for a dream you fear you will have to one day put to rest completely, and I am truly sorry. What Granite said is true -- when you DO have a baby one day, he or she will be lucky to have a mom that tried to make it right for them. But as I am sure many people have told you, having a little baby is hard, really hard, and I am living that right now. If my H had not put forth the effort to be the better H he is today, it would be awful right now. The baby would still bring me joy, but dealing with him while attending to the baby's needs 24/7 with no time for myself would have been hell. And that hell would almost certainly have eaten into the joy I would feel with my baby, and that would be awful for my little one. It's already very hard sometimes if H slips back into his old patterns.
I know this does not ease your suffering, but just know that even though you are suffering, you are doing the right thing by waiting. And please, if you have a baby with a partner, make that a supportive partner -- not an abusive one. It will be worth the wait, I promise.
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I don't like to cry in therapy, but I do it almost every session. My fear with talking about this is that I have a complete breakdown...as in a full on crisis.
Thank you for writing about your experience. It gives me some hope for my own.
I am aware of the difficulties of being a parent. My mom owned a preschool growing up and I always helped out after school. My little sister is 8 years younger, so I helped my mom with her. And my nephews are 11 years and 13 years younger, and I helped with them too. But I also know that having your own child and having full responsibility is different.
As for my fiance....as I said in another response...that's complicated. But I guess, just as I trusted my doctors advice to wait a little longer, maybe you can trust that the situation with my fiance is known and they do advise me on that too.