Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
I 100% agree with you. It's one thing going at it alone. It's a whole other thing having to also then deal with my fiance. I have told him. I don't know if he gets it. If he does, he'll go to therapy. I don't lie, and have told him everything my T and Pdoc have said. I have also told him that he's holding back "our" dream. When I told him that if I do get pregnant and he doesn't change, I will leave him. He cried. He said he didn't want that. He wants to be a part of his child's life especially since his own father walked out on him. I explained that even the little fights can't happen. Babbies are aware. They are aware when they're in the womb and when they're born. And if he causes me to have breakdowns when pregnant, it increases my hormones which will affect the baby.
I'm not making excuses, please understand that when reading this next part. He's only been physically abusive twice to me. I know...it should be never. The last time was an accident, but still it caused my elbow to break. The cops warned him that next time he'll be put in jail with or w/o my consent. Plus, my entire family has told him that if he ever harms me again, they'll be coming for him...and that's coming from gang members, bikers, etc. Most of the time it's verbal and emotional abuse. Still not acceptable especially given my mental health. He knows he's risking my life when he does it.
Since breaking my elbow, he's been a lot better. But ultimately, I would like to see him in therapy so he can learn to cope with his own anger and stress and learn how to communicate better. He is a good guy, but he's not as emotionally healthy as he needs to be.
But I do understand everyone's concern.
But I also don't want that to be the sole focus. I understand if I was contemplating right now, but that's not the case. My decision is "set in stone". I even emailed the OB/GYN that I am putting it off for awhile. I didn't make this decision lightly and I wasn't forced or required to make it. It was my choice. Because it is the "right" choice for me and a baby.
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I'm glad to hear you're working on it. I hesitated to respond because I don't want to derail your thread, which is really about something else, but I just hear a fair amount of myself in you (I even said something similar to my H once, about leaving if I didn't think he could be there as a dad) and so wanted to say something.
Either way, I do hope you talk to your T about this -- perhaps with plenty of warning that you may have a full breakdown and you will need a lot of support to keep that from happening? -- because it's so important. And I wish you luck on your journey to becoming a mom. As I told some friends who have been forced to wait for their own reasons, you're ALREADY a good mom, by thinking so much about what is good for your baby, before you even HAVE your baby.