I am struggling with this so much lately. Yesterday t said I interrupted our contact before it even happened. We were looking at my interruptions to the contact cycle. She asked if I felt lonely lately and I said yes, she asked me more about the loneliness but I couldn't tell her how lonely I am because I am afraid of these feeling I experience around the loneliness.
She asked what it would be like for me to make full contact with her, to take some risks and we her help to really experience the contact between us. As she said it my heart stepped up a beat and it felt too scary so I blocked her out again. I don't know why I do this, well I do because contact is too scary for me. She is the one person I trust with all my life but I still can't let her in.