I'm no therapist here so this is a difficult question. I think people of all different backgrounds can make it. I believe that communication is the key, though. Sometimes counseling is the only way to manage certain upsets and problems in relationships but I've seen people make it work who I thought could have never made it work. You mentioned that he tends to shut down when you lose it. This might be a great area to work on. He may not respond well to anything that reminds him of his abuse.

I wish you the best!