Hi I.D.,

I completely relate to what you're saying. I've been nearly incapacitated for the past few days, overwhelmed by the totality of . . . everything. Thinking about the ginormous pink elephant in the room that we aren't supposed to mention (*I understand the reasoning, but it *does* add to the stigma*). Anyway, the only thing that helped me see straight was what you've described. I mean, who runs a 20K race only to drop out in the 15th mile? I realized this is a ****** way to look at things but the fact that we're aging, creeping toward death, is comforting. Who knows, maybe we'll find something that gives us pleasure.

I, too, am envious of those who've died. I think it's ironic or maybe just bad luck, that people who cling to life die, while others, who want to die, continue to suffer. I believe in reincarnation and don't want to come back as a tic or something. I also don't want to leave a horrible legacy. I think we're here to learn some kind of lessons and death is the ultimate reward.

This attitude may have a counterintuitive effect-that is, you feel the days slipping by, and may just be more carefree about things. Does that make sense?

Peace,
E