Im a bit late on this but I would think the best way to put the past behind you is to concentrate on the present. Its not how you feel that matters..its what you DO. Even though you feel guilty and are obsessing- you are obsessing- I know becasue I do it also, dont let it change your behavior. Go through the motions at first if you have to.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to get on with things. If you really want to make up for whatever youve done- be the best you that you can be right now. That will help your family. And doing that that means letting go of the guilt.

You were ill. You dont have to feel guilty. You wouldnt want someone to feel guilty about asthma or high blood pressure, ...Dont be so hard on yourself. You were just being human. We've all done things we regret. Living your life obsessing about the past is not really living.

You can do it...I know you can.