Hi, Hopes.

What happened was a long time ago, and you gotta give yourself credit for regretting it. But it's over now, and has been said, what matters is what you do now and in the future. Are you talking with a therapist about this? Have you talked to your psychiatrist? It sounds like you could really use a good med change. How do you like your psychiatrist? (I'm new here & don't know the standard abbrevs. for some of these terms on this forum yet).

Take care, & keep talking to us. Things will get better.