What can I say.

Is it my own fault that I gave in to my Mom's demands? Yes, I suppose so. I've never known how to deal with her any other way throughout my entire life - it's always been about appeasing her, and making sure I've gotten her approval with anything that I've done. The only difference this time around, is that I recognize that seeking her approval shouldn't even be on the table, especially at my age.

Standing my own ground obviously didn't work; it completely backfired. She's got me financially tied to her, and that's something I need to take responsibility for. But using our financial situation as a scapegoat to not have a relationship is a poor excuse, and I called her on that. I called her out on a lot of things, but she always had some other explanation as to why I shouldn't be dating, specifically my ex-GF.

As far as my ex-GF is concerned, it was her who said there's no way we can get back together as long as my Mom is acting like this. And let's face it, she'll continue to act like this to the end of her days. And getting out on my own just isn't going to happen anytime soon, so what choice do I or my ex-GF have? She's not going to wait around six months to a year for me to sort out my financial situation and get out on my own.

Me tearing up my pool pass was an emotional act, I just didn't know what else to do. And in all honesty, I don't want to go back, not after what just happened. It's embarrassing and emasculating that my Mother tells her grown son who I can date, or who my friends can be, and what time I have to be home. These people at the pool know what's going on, and I can't face them with them having this knowledge; like I said, completely embarrassing. And going back there and seeing my ex-GF just makes it more difficult, especially knowing that we can never be.

I don't know what to do anymore with her. It's her way or the highway, type of attitude. And she doesn't care that I'm miserable, or even the fact that I told her right to her face that I'll hate her for the rest of her life for doing this to me. She just shrugged her shoulders and said, oh well.

She keeps going round and round with reasons not to see my ex-GF, and the types of things she expects from me when dating. And that me dating this girl was so sudden, and it hit her so unexpectedly. She said it would be no better than if I walked in the door and told her I was gay, or if I knocked someone up, or get this... if I announced that I was in an interracial relationship - that last one blew my socks off. She's clearly living in another time, and using her upbringing and religion into all of this as well. The whole virginity thing especially. I told a friend about the virgin thing, and he went online and found me some statistic about that.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the average age Americans lose their virginities (defined here as vaginal sexual intercourse) is 17.1 for both men and women. The CDC also reports that virgins make up 12.3 percent of females and 14.3 percent of males aged 20 to 24. That number drops below 5 percent for both male and female virgins ages 25 to 29, and goes as low as 0.3 percent for virgins ages 40 to 44. So I'm 36, and my Mom wants me to find a girl my own age who is a virgin. That means there's approximately 0.3 to probably 1 percent of the female population that is a virgin.

Look, I know I'm just spinning here and she's wrong, and she has no business knowing my sex life, but this is what I'm dealing with here. Her telling me she'd disown me, that hit me really hard; I've never heard her speak like that towards me. That's just like her trying to take the keys away from me the other night, I've never seen her act this way before. It was like watching an episode of Jerry Springer.

I honestly don't know what my next move is. As I've said, I can't move out, I've got nowhere to go, literally, I'd be on the street. I've got no money either. In my mind, all I can do is go back to work as soon as I possibly and can start paying off my debts and saving some money, then move out. As far as my ex-GF is concerned, how is it possible with all of this, especially if she is the one who doesn't want to get involved with me knowing where I stand with my Mom. And I don't blame her for that.

Open Eyes has said several times, that I shouldn't blame myself - and I haven't. In my mind I haven't done anything wrong, but I'm being treated like I'm being punished for some sort of heinous crime. I guess my crime is being that I'm seeking my independence, my own values and way of life. She can't and won't accept that.

What I'm asking now, is not the advice of "just move out". I'm asking what to do with a woman who obviously controls me, and how I can change that pattern, so that I'm unafraid of her. Because moving out alone isn't going to change that, I can see it, I know it. I need to know how I can stand up to this woman without her threatening me, and not buckling under her power. She refuses to go to therapy, and said that I won't be going either - everything is hers, as it was her and my Dad who have indirectly paid for everything, regardless if I worked or not - she owns everything. It's just like my car; I put the down payment on it, I pay the insurance and it's registered in my name. Sure, she's covered some of the monthly payments and some of my fuel, but when I tried to leave the other night, she claimed that car is hers, and that I'm not allowed to have the "*****" in my car. So when I get home and tell her that she can do whatever she wants with it, since it's her's anyways, she say's no, it's not hers, it's mine. She can't make up her freaking mind!!!

She still claims she's going to get my cell phone records (texts) with my ex-GF, because I must be hiding something. I know for a fact that she can't, but the fact that she's still using that against me as some sort of threat... I just don't get it. Or even when we had our first real big argument about my ex-GF after she first met her, I walked out the door and left house for a few hours. I went and sat at a McDonald's until they closed at midnight and went home. She tells me in the heat of our argument the other night, that she went to McDonald's and asked them if I was there, and they don't remember me. Even the truth to her at this point is a lie, or she's looking to catch me in one. I've been 100% truthful with her about everything accept when I took my ex-GF to the movies with my friends, where they met her. I finally did cop to it, because when she originally questioned me about it she was in such a rage, I didn't want to add more fuel to the fire.

I don't know if she's afraid to lose me, or what. I told her that if she continues to act like this, she will lose me. I think it just went in one ear and out the other.

I came to this forum to seek advice and answers, and I do appreciate the responses I've gotten. And granted I haven't done as much as should have, this is incredibly difficult for me. My Mom has been part of my life for so long, and we've had a good relationship up until this point. It just seems that her depression about my father's passing and me wanting something different in my life is an act of betrayal to her. And she's not willing to listen or reason with me either. I'm more afraid for her than I am for myself. She's changed, and not for the better.