Went to work and it was a slow day. For some strange reason, for most of the day I just got thinking about death. Some people I have known just died recently.

Mostly I got thinking, 'what or where will I be in a year from now'? Will I still have my same job? Will I still live at my same place, even though there are times when I hate it? Will I be broke? Will I be very sick, perhaps in a hospital? Will I be dead by then? All of those questions! And yet, I can't seem to ask myself more positive questions like: will I live in a better place? Will I finally be in love with someone after waiting for many decades? Will I at least have some decent friends? Will my job improve?

After work I went to visit my friend because he had a gift for me. I was disappointed when I got to his house because he and his wife were preparing bread for a church service. I thought that his wife would be gone all day; and he and I would have a chance to talk. I didn't stay very long.

When I got home, I felt very sad and empty. I worked out and it was quite an effort to do it because I felt so down. But I did it! Tonight I went to the pool area and there were some people there, much to my surprise. I was hoping to be alone there for peace and quiet. The people that were there were pretty nice, but not my type. I haven't met anyone compatible in a long time at where I live.