Quote:
Originally Posted by randman78
As far as my ex-GF is concerned, it was her who said there's no way we can get back together as long as my Mom is acting like this. And let's face it, she'll continue to act like this to the end of her days. And getting out on my own just isn't going to happen anytime soon, so what choice do I or my ex-GF have? She's not going to wait around six months to a year for me to sort out my financial situation and get out on my own.
Me tearing up my pool pass was an emotional act, I just didn't know what else to do. And in all honesty, I don't want to go back, not after what just happened. It's embarrassing and emasculating that my Mother tells her grown son who I can date, or who my friends can be, and what time I have to be home. These people at the pool know what's going on, and I can't face them with them having this knowledge; like I said, completely embarrassing. And going back there and seeing my ex-GF just makes it more difficult, especially knowing that we can never be.
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Your ex-GF did not say that she can't be with you as long as YOUR MOTHER is acting that way-- she said she cannot be with you as long as you are giving in to your mother, participating in an unhealthy relationship with your mother, and choosing your mother over her. Your ex-GF wants YOU to make different choices-- what your mother herself does is irrelevant. Therefore, it is up to you whrther or not you want to create boundaries with your mother and attempt to pursue a relationship with your ex-GF. Even if you do not move out tomorrow-- or this month-- you could still make dramatically different choices now and plan to move out in 6 months, once you've saved up enough money to get at least a studio apartment somewhere. The real question ow whether you are actually ready to have a relationship-- and are willing to do what it takes. So far, each time this woman has gotten close to you, you have run away and then blamed your actions on your mother. Your defeatist attitude and your willingness to give up at the first sign of difficulty suggests that you don't actually want a relationship-- you're just too scared. If you really cared about this woman, you would tell her that you were changing your behavioe NOW-- you would not tell your mother where you go (not say "at McDonalds"), you would stop engaging in these fights with her, you would not respond to a single word your mother said about your ex-GF, and you would be putting 100% into therapy (it's grear you're joining the group; do they have free or low-cost individual therapy also?) Then, you would PROVE to your ex-GF through your actions that you really ARE different. Then, you would ask her if she is willing to wait while you extricate yourself from your mother fully by moving out and cutting off all financial ties. You have no way of knowing if she is willing to wait for you unless you ask!!! If your response is "Its not fair to ask her to wait"-- then you are not giving her the respect of treating her like an adult woman who has the capacity to make her own decisions-- or you are using that as an excuse so you can blame her and let yourself off the hook for being too scared or not ready for a relationship. I know this may sound harsh, but it's the truth. If you want to start taking responsibility for your life, it means owning your choices and taking risks even when it feels scary.