may trigger

I sometimes have fantasies involving me sexually or physically abusing other people. This has been the case since my teens (I am over 40 now).

I can see the attraction of rape. Its all about control, and getting just what you want, without having the burden of having to consider the other person's needs. Its also about releasing anger. Rape can also be considered a sadistic act since part of the pleasure is inflicting pain on others. Normal relationships are a two way interaction where you have to work hard. Sadism is about releasing your anger and its much easier than a normal relationship if the sadist is in control. Torture is a way of extending BDSM so that it has no limits; limits take away the power of the dominator but in a torture situation the person inflicting the pain has absolute power. Torture can be mental as well as physical. The ultimate act of control is taking someone's life.

I have never carried these fantasies out and I never will. Rape is illegal and very immoral, I don't want to go to prison for the rest of my life and I could never deal with the guilt/shame. Also, I am not sure if I would actually enjoy these things in reality. Its ok to think things, but reality is not the same as fantasy

I don't feel comfortable with these fantasies. The worst part is that its taboo, it scares people, and (apart sometimes from places like this) its not something you can talk about. If people say I am a nice person then I feel a fraud, because they don't know what I am like inside my head.