Hello everyone!
It has definitely been an interesting holiday season for me. First of all, I had an od last Wednesday (The 17th of December). I was in the hospital from early Thursday morning until late Friday evening. After I was cleared medically, I was released to go home. I thought it was great that I was able to go home as I was really happy and almost giddy to go home. Then the depression snuck up on me on Saturday morning and gradually got worse over the next three days. I was having lots of crying fits and some weird things happen to me. I woke up one night, and I was completely disoriented. I thought that maybe I had od’d but maybe didn’t have any recollection of it. So it took a while to gain my berrings. I didn’t overdose of course. I don’t know what the disorientedness was all about. Oh and during my episode on the 17th of December, I was hallucinating.
Then yesterday, I was slightly disoriented and my depression was able to be distracted due to family coming into town. I put on a happy face and my depression seemed to subside somewhat. Then before bed, my fiance said that I looked wired like a child who didn’t want to go to sleep because she would miss something. I thought that was strange because I didn’t feel that way, but I was acting unusual. Now I went to sleep at about 11:30p.m. pacific time and I kept waking up throughout the night. I finally got out of bed at 3:25a.m. I am wide awake, yet I feel sort of foggy. I’m also feeling like I’m teetering on going into a hypomanic state.
I’m really nervous, because my fiance’s parents are in town, and I really am not well. They have no clue as to what is going on. I think that we may have to tell them, but I really don’t want to. I feel it would ruin their Christmas. I’m scared that my mood might get completely out of control. I know that I was a little out of control now that I look back at last night, because I was being slightly bossy (which is completely not me). I’m more mild mannered and easy going. I have been more irritable since this all started which is also outside my normal personality.
I have been talking to the doctors who are covering for my regular pdoc, but they don’t want to give me any new meds. They increased my lamictal to 150 and increased my Ativan to 2 mgs per day, which is 6 pills per day as I was on .5 mg three times per day. In the past I was on a dose of 200 lamictal and 15 mg of abilify, but I developed acathesia from the abilify. We have been messing around ever since with new meds. All since last July. I really haven’t been stable since. I even had 5 doses of ECT, but didn’t continue on with it.
I’m sorry to be writing a book. I just needed to get this off my chest and see if anyone has any advice as to what to do over the next day or two to keep things under control. I don’t see my regular pdoc until next Tuesday unfortunately. I’m not scheduled to see a therapist until January 5th.
Any help would be appreciated.
Thank you!