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Nikki4520 said:
Hello All, this is my first post here so am kinda nervous... i have been reading through lots of the other posts and have felt a great deal of comfort from knowing i am not alone with this stuff!

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Welcome to PC. So glad that you are able to get that comfort from here. I felt the same as you when I first started coming on here... still do!

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My T is on holiday for TWO weeks...AHHHHHH!! i last saw her on Wednesday and wont see her again now til Weds 30th May... breaks feel unbearable for me... i literally feel like i wont survive them... suffer from major anxiety, and seeing T feels like the only way to get calm at the moment...

i had never tried anything like therapy before, but have been seeing T for nearly 3 years now... i feel that things have definitely improved, but breaks seem to send me flying back into chaos... i miss T SO much it hurts... and its been like that right from the very first session...

in the very first instant, the connection i felt with T was phenomenally powerful... like nothing i have ever, or probably will ever, feel again... i would compare it to what people would call love at first sight... but even that doesn’t seem anywhere close to it... it was like meeting someone who was the total personification of everything missing in my life... everything i wanted and everything i needed... without knowing anything about her at all, i felt complete trust... complete love... complete dependency...

i don’t know if that is a good thing or not... but it feels good... and right now i guess it is what i need... but it does make breaks especially difficult... how do you guys deal with breaks? my T lets me text her on her cell phone... but i try very hard to limit it to once or twice over the break... have already used one up!

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Sounds like you have quite a connection with your T! Unfortunately it's those connections and attachments that it make it all the more unbearable when they leave... Trust me, I know. I can barely make it 7 days, let alone when he goes on break.

Do you journal? I find this to be helpful in trying to maintain connection. Actually, rather than journaling, I have started to write in the form of letters to my T.

Keep coming over here! That helps, too.

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how much do you get to know from your T about breaks? do you know where they go on holiday? who with? there are always a million questions huh?!

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Absolutely nothing. I don't want to know. My T does not self-diclose. He will say, "I am not going to be here next week." So I have no idea if he's going away or what he's doing. Actually my T told me that the Friday after this one he will not be here.... I doubt he's going away because he told me I can come another day... But that's all he tells me. I have no interest in knowing what he's doing; it interferes with the therapeutic relationship for me.

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anyway, thank you for listening (reading!), this site seems great and i look forward to being a part of it...

best wishes Nikki x

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Welcome again... hope to see your posts!