I'm talking about mom. As people who have read my posts know, mom has borderline and narcissistic traits, but she does not believe she needs any help. She has gone for therapy before and once took antidepressants for a month but stopped both.

This is how it works in my family: My sister, because of her history of multiple lengthy hospitalizations for being suicidal, is, despite her seeming stability, in a fragile state. When mom feels ignored or doesn't get what she wants, she decided to annoy my sister a bit. In fact she annoys everybody, including me (like reject me, ignore me, not call me, play favorites, etc) which is infuriating enough but my sister is what gets me. My sister lives in a sort of a nursing facility and is heavily medicated. Mom visits her sometimes to "help clean her house." However, she has a very powerful way of influencing my sister and making her anxious, when she goes over, if she feeling pissy. She knows how to push her buttons.

We have, as a family, visits with my sister as well. It's particularly tense for me because I have PTSD as a direct result of the whole thing with my sister. So of all my triggers, that's literally my biggest trigger when she doesn't look stable. So if I've set boundaries with mom and refused to do certain things when she called me and I know dad also did the same, she decides to go and "help" my sister clean up and of course my dad is more than glad to have her not nag him so he gives her a ride and leaves her there for a few hours. When mom is that angry, I personally think she dissociates a lot of times. Like she's kind of aware that her actions are hurtful to my sister, she just can't control herself.

Not surprisingly when we go over later that week and I see my sister is agitated and looks a bit like in that state she was a few years ago, I get triggered badly (last time this happened I could not leave home for a week and was sick to my stomach the whole time, could not sleep at all for two nights straights, so naturally I do everything possible to avoid this trigger).

Because mom's ashamed of my sister's situation, she has cut off all family relations we had with relatives (which came through her, it was her sisters, as my dad's family live far away). So I feel this sense of isolation.

When I had mentioned this to my last therapist, she said I'm not responsible for either mom or sister, that they're all adults. I said but I can't take my sister getting hospitalized again, I swear to God I can't! What if she kills herself this time? My therapist said there is nothing I can do about it and all I'm doing is torturing myself and stopping myself from living.

Yes, I have no friends, I rarely leave home, I'm constantly obsessed with watching mom and what she will do this time if I tell her no about something. I told my therapist that my dad is so emotionally distant and only if he was nicer to her...and again my therapist said that's not my place to do anything, people are who they are, she could divorce my dad, it's not my place to say anything.

It's such a weird thing, I feel both powerful enough in that if I keep mom happy then she won't bug my sister but at the same time I feel so powerless because I feel I have to keep mom happy. I really do care about my family and grew up differently from some people who were distant from their family even as a child. But I'm also very afraid of bad things happening and it's hard for me to think straight. Do you guys understand my situation or can sympathize, and if so, what advice do you have for me, should I convince mom of needing therapy or should I just focus on myself and my life only? Thank you very much.