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Originally Posted by A Red Panda
Ok, so the whole money thing does confuse me some.
What is actually in your name? The car, yes. The place you live in? Is it in your name or hers, because you've said that the properties were left to you when your father passed away.
What do you currently pay towards living expenses, and what does your mom currently pay? Don't look at the past. Who pays for things NOW. Do you make equal payments towards the mortage roughly, or who primarily pays it? Same with groceries and bills.
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The place we live in now is in her name. The places we lived in before (the farm and my condo) were in my Dad's and my name, but after he passed away, everything went solely into my name. After we agreed to sell everything, she needed to apply for a loan to cover the costs of our new place, and it could only have been her name; the loan only qualified to persons older than 50.
The only thing in my name is my car. I contribute by paying things like the internet and phone. I'm living rent free otherwise, but told her I will start paying rent if she wants, if finances are her main concern i.e.; if she wants to treat me like an adult, I have to act like one, which makes sense, and I recognize that. But she never responded to the idea of me paying rent.
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Originally Posted by A Red Panda
What else can she ACTUALLY do aside from make your life miserable by being incredibly vocal?
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I honestly don't know what else she can do. I really don't. And that's one of the things that frightens me about her. I no longer know what she's capable of.
I came across this article on a website last night...
"Coping with a Controlling Mother"
Accept that she might not change - If you look at the title of this post, you will notice that I have used the word ‘cope’. This means that there is a very high chance that your mama may never change. Stop hoping she will change. At her age she is too set in her ways, she gets a pay off from being controlling and has had decades and decades of practicing/mastering how to manipulate people. You are a few years late honey. If you are religious and believe in miracles, God will
change them but in the mean time you will need to have some tools how to cope or manage this difficult mama. Accept the fact that she isn’t a nice person, despite the fact that she is your mother, painful as it may be. You cannot change her, but you can change how you react to her.
I'm starting the think/believe this might be the case. There's no way I can make her see my point-of-view.
Otherwise, I'm still angry and not speaking to her, unless it's something I have no other choice in responding to. I can see by her overall attitude, that she's content; she thinks that she's gotten her way and she's gone back to her day to day. It honestly makes me sick. Part of me thinks that she figures this is just some sort of phase, and that I'll get over it. Considering that this is all I pretty much think about 24/7, just proves to myself that I will not get over it that easily. She hurt me more than she can possibly understand. I never thought I would hate my Mother like I do now, which also makes me sick and disappointed.