Hi, this is a very interesting problem, despite how common it seems. Here's what I think. First, let's agree that some compromise is required. That said, we can move forward
To summarize (will delve into details below), I see the solution to your problem involving: better time management, introduction of exercise, better nutrition, better sleep, more regularity in your routine. A lot of this involves setting boundaries with the people in your life and with the activities that make up your day.
Better time management: Really just come up with 2 lists:
1 - Things you do regularly that may be non-essential. Examples (don't be offended ... this is just arbitrary):
- Facebook/Twitter and other internet browsing
- Watching TV
- Excess cell phone use (gaming, YouTube, what have you)
2 - Things that you OUGHT TO DO regularly but don't. Examples (again, don't be offended)
- Exercise (30 minutes)
- Ironing and otherwise preparing your clothes at night
- Grocery shopping and/or cooking and/or packing meals
Then, try to stop doing things from list 1 and start doing things from list 2 ! Note that removing non-essential activities from your day will give you time (perhaps time you didn't think you had) for more important things like spending more time with your friends/family, or preparing yourself for the next day, or just me time (self-care and self-soothing), which is so essential in our stressful lives.
Exercise: (Saved my life) This is the miracle drug, if used properly. Start off with baby steps. As a fitness addict and aspiring fitness trainer, I far too often see people diving into exercise routines that are too much for beginners and then quitting a week later because they just can't keep it up. Consistency is key, and train harder as you feel you are ready. Benefits (both physiological and psychological) include nothing less than:
- Improved blood flow
- Higher metabolism, which helps with your overall energy level and body composition (which translates to better looks)
- Improved mood, thanks to endorphin release
- Reduced anxiety
- Better posture (more/better musculature = better posture)
- Better sleep (helps with insomnia)
..., among many others.
Nutrition: I cannot overemphasize this. This is probably worth 80% of any successful fitness routine. High gycemic carbs (sugar, starches) will make you feel lethargic (after the initial rush), so avoid them. Eat more fruit (which also makes great snacks). Eat smaller portions more often. Lighter at night, assuming you're less active then. No hamburgers or ice cream at night ... messes with your digestion and gets stored on your seat cushion.
Sleep: Inadequate sleep is known to cause anxiety, depression, and fatigue. Do whatever it takes to get your 8 hours. Compromises, compromises ! Shut that TV or computer off so you can get your sleep. Exercising also helps you fall asleep at night.
Regularity: I don't know how best to describe it, but regularity just magically helps. It provides a sense of stability and predictability and can help ease anxiety. If you know that you're gonna go to sleep at 11, have breakfast at 7.30, lunch at noon, work out at 7 pm, etc, with the basics all planned, you can focus your energies on planning more interesting activities
Of course, too much regularity = a boring life, so adjust as necessary.
Setting boundaries: "Honey, I'm sorry. Let's watch that movie over the weekend. I need my sleep, otherwise I'll be miserable tomorrow.". This can be very hard to do, but I think it's an essential part of this whole plan. Also, set boundaries with your own self. If you find yourself telling yourself, "Ah, 10 more minutes of Facebook won't hurt. I really wanna describe my trip to Portland before I go to bed.", and that 10 minutes becomes 30 minutes, then maybe you need to be stricter with your own self. Again, compromises. You lose 10 minutes of Facebook, but maybe those 10 minutes go towards planning for the next work day: ironing clothes, packing meals. And, you thank yourself for it the next day !
This sounds so cliche, I know, but try to stick with it ... it really is a great place to start.
You are the best judge of how disciplined you are, so it's ok to start with baby steps, adopt your time management lists gradually. I know that, since you're in a relationship, there will be times when you just cannot stick to your routine. "Honey, Jim called ... he and Natalie are heading to XYZ for some ABC. Let's go !". That's totally ok, as long as you feel in control of your life ... THAT is key.
I sincerely feel that, the more disciplined and organized you get with your daily life, the closer you will get to your goal as you described it.
Good luck !