i don't think about my current T sexually, even though he is a very handsome guy.. i like him a lot. The last one however... wowsa. i would have been on him in a heartbeat.

The thing pink said that struck me was wanting him to want her.. that was it exactly. i wanted him to want me... i wanted him to need me and crave me... i think that was more important to me than actually getting to have him physically. Knowing that gave me a lot of food for thought. i never discussed it with him at all until our last session, and then all i did was ask him pointedly why he didn't explain to me what transference was. He knew i had developed a deep attachment, why didn't he explain how and why that happened? i felt like he hadn't given me enough credit... that i would understand it intellectually.

i completely got it. i was instantly relieved to discover how common and expected it was... and how valuable it can be to learn from. i felt he had let me down by not discussing that with me. He apologized. He said he learned a lot from working with me that he would never, ever forget... as he is a relatively new T. He knows his stuff but he obviously had not expected me to know mine.

sad thing is.. the sexual longing for him never went away. It eased up but i still feel it. It never developed that way with the newer T. I adore him and i am attached, but I don't see him as a lover... or father either. Brother? Friend?