It's a little later tonight.. My heads running around like a loose cannon.. I've slowly begun to connect with my inner self again a bit. You know out of my entire journey in this life I’ve never felt so utterly alone. I'm sitting here thinking about how i should of treated people better, but i won't lie to myself anymore about this. I think i finally understand why i am the way i am.. A long time ago a friend once told me "Never lose sight of your path." That was the truest friend i ever had. In all of my struggles i never once considered that opening myself to others could to be my benefit, yet here i am writing on this forum. I was reluctant to give up who i was before on the inside, but now i can see the light. I just had to destroy myself before i could start to grow. For in order to show compassion to others i first had to know the absolute barren depths of sadness. All my life i was used, beaten, controlled, and i still don't know any other way to live than that.. Because when i was open to learning another way, to change, the only person who could show me how to live that way ran away. And now... Now i just don't know anymore. It's not that I’m sinking, rather it's that I’m surrounded by a fortress of white flames, and the only thing i can hear is my own voice and the kindling of the flames. This forum has been a great help.. You all have been so supportive... I just wish i knew how to show you all my gratitude.