Thanks Bill3, hvert and toolman65 for your responses. I have to say that just being able to talk about my issue here has already helped a tremendous amount in my being able to deal with it, so thank you all!

I haven't actively spoken to my girlfriend about this issue yet specifically because I don't want to just be reacting out of a place of anxiety. I know that'd be destructive for both me and her, especially if it came out in the form of me trying to control her. Being the holiday season now, my therapist is away for a few weeks and I will only be able to see her on the 8th of January, so this forum has been of tremendous help to me in the interim. In fact, my girlfriend and I spent Christmas eve together (night before last) and had a really great time, and there was no hint of anxiety or jealousy or manipulation and it really feels like we're growing closer. She and I are both pretty deep people (having gone through as much suffering as we both have) and we discussed all of the major things like values and whether or not we want kids and future plans and all that within the first week of us spending time together. She's aware of my anxiety and I'm aware of hers (so yes, I know that no relationship is perfect because no person is perfect). We both abhor relationship games and don't want to waste our time investing in potentially fruitless relationships any more. We both think long-term in our interaction with each other.

In doing some soul-searching over these past few days, reflecting off of everyone's opinions and my own internal dynamics, I have a feeling that I might be converging on the actual underlying triggers for my anxiety in this situation.

For one thing, I know that I personally value freedom. I know that I want to be able to pack up and go work in another country for at least 6 months to a year, sometime within the next 3 to 5 years while I'm still relatively young (ideally the next 2 years). The exact country doesn't really matter so much - that's something I'm flexible on. As per a discussion I had with her on Christmas eve, she would love to do the same. If she and I are still together, and the situation with her dogs means that she won't be able to pack up and leave for that long a time with me, it would be something that would infringe on her own freedom and mine. That would be compromising on my values and, thus, myself, and would be a deal-breaker for me. Having compromised on my values in my previous relationship (with the narcissist), I know how painful that is and have a feeling that the prospect of this (yes, I'm aware of my tendency to think 1,000 steps ahead :-)) amplified my anxiety.

The thing is, if she does desire to pack up and leave the country for a year, as she says she does, then how important are the dogs to her, really, in comparison to her own freedom? She herself has said to me that she wouldn't want children yet, for at least the next few years (same for me), because she wants the freedom to move around without causing emotional upheaval to others. So, what exactly is she holding onto here at the moment?

One thing I do know is a deal-breaker for me is not being willing to let go of an ex, whatever the reasons. I offer myself unattached and in my entirety in that regard, and expect the same. I know, however, that this is something that she has to realise for herself, because she says she's given up her previous relationship completely. All I can do, I suppose, is give her a bit of time and space to come to this realisation for herself, right?

I have a feeling that my anxiety has been exacerbated as a result of simultaneously having to confront the possibility that this woman is potentially someone with whom I could spend the rest of my life, and the possibility of there being deal-breakers here. It's a tentative, tense space for me, possibly because it's early on in the relationship...

What I do know is that this relationship is totally outside of my comfort zone, and that's a good thing. My comfort zone has, historically, proven to be incredibly destructive for myself :-)