Dear al5445, I think you are an intelligent and sensitive young man. You have a lot going on right now physically, chemically, and emotionally. It is so awesome that you can reach out in a forum like this. You seem very expressive. I wonder if you shared some of your worries with a guidance counselor at school or a trusted teacher. They can be a great resource for your worries. I have a 13 year old son and I was so proud when he reached out to his guidance counselor for help. As a mom I wanted to help and I would have never known his worries if he hadn't shared them with us. Like you he seemed to carry the weight of the world on his back. I need to remind him that we need to take one day at a time. You both need time to be boys before you could be men. Surround yourself with good supportive friends and roll models. Get involved in different activities so people can see the real you! Keep your eyes on your goals of getting into college. I don't know what your relationship is like with your family but I bet if you opened up to them they would want to support/help you. I am not an expert ;just a mom who has experienced some of what you mention with my own children. I'm sending supportive hugs your way. Try to reach out to those closest to you.