Back on Dec. 4th, I told my old t that I had decided that this would be my last session with her. Her cancer and chemo issue was too much for me to handle and I just couldn't get past the thought: "How can I come in and whine about my stupid s**t when she's fighting for her life". Her response what exactly what I expected. "I don't think your s**t is stupid".
She asked if I was sure that was what I wanted to do and how did I feel about that. I said I wasn't sure. We ended and she said she was sorry it was so hard on me and to call her if I needed anything. I'm going to add a side note here. She does not touch clients. No handshake, nothing. No texting, no email access for clients. Only phone calls, and leave a message. She always calls back, but that was the only means of communication outside of sessions. Really? 13 yrs - no hug.
I have a very hard time is session saying the words to explain what I'm thinking and feeling, so in order to get all the thoughts in my head out, I wrote a letter to her. It was more of a purging of thoughts, but it was all about how I felt about her and her illness, how it affected me (emotionally and physically), and why I had to end our 13 yrs of working together (I'm not going to say relationship).
I showed the letter to my new t (t2) and we talked a little about it. She said it was beautifully written and she could tell it was from the heart.
It took me a week after that, but I finally mailed it to t1.
I kind of expected some sort of response. She got the letter last week (17th or 18th). I'm I hoping for too much?
T2 and t1 have talked to each other (I signed a release), and that's how I know she got it. All t2 told me about their conversation was that t1 got the letter and all she said was "Wow. There's a lot of emotion there".
Now I keep hearing those words in my head in her (t1) voice, over and over and over.
Did she just wash her hands of me now that I have a new t? I just don't know what to think.