Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
I knew someone would respond this way, and I do understand why. I've heard it a lot.
But, my T and Pdoc have never said they don't want me having a child with my fiance. They did, however, tell me that I need to be aware of the situation and put down boundaries. I have discussed these boundaries with my fiance.
No one can predict the future. But there are many scenarios that can be played out. Everything can turn out okay, he could go to therapy and better himself, I could choose to be a single mom...
The dynamic of my relationship with my fiance is much more complicated than "he's an abuser". My Pdoc did say I should have left when he broke my elbow. My T agreed. But since, they are actually supportive of me staying in the relationship. It would take too long to explain it. But as abusive as my fiance can be, he is also someome who is beneficial in my life.
I wouldn't dare let anyone harm my baby, nor my dogs. I take fully responsibility for making sure they're happy, safe, and taken care of. And just as I am in therapy to keep myself accountable for my life, I would also have other support to make sure I'm accountable for my baby. One example: postpartum depression. I hope I don't experience this, but there's an extremely high chance. My family is aware of this. So if I do experience it, they know that they will have to carry some of the responsibilities for me.
I probably didn't explain myself enough. And while your concerns are legitimate concerns, it is only a minor factor in my decision.
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No, he is not.
He is a man who BROKE YOUR ELBOW. He will do it again. Perhaps in front of your child.
A man who has broken your elbow is not going to be a good father. Jesus, I am actually mad at your T and Pdoc for suggesting you can 'put down boundaries' with an abusive partner! Are they having a laugh?! That is so irresponsible, dangerous and victim-blaming. Are they stuck in the last century???
You also don't know that he won't hurt your child.
Children who grow up in abusive homes have brains that develop differently from the constant stress, and are at much higher risk for mental illness. But I guess you know all this.
Every day, 2 women in the UK die at the hands of an abusive male partner. Please remember that sometimes the children are the ones to find their mummy's body. These are the realities of living with an abusive man. I don't know what the statistics are in the USA, but you need to wake up. You are worth SO MUCH MORE than to live in constant uncertainty that he might lash out at you.