I think that the one thing I realized most was how much my perceptions and communications with others was counter-productive to the kind of loving and open relationships that I wanted. In particular, I discovered that even though my mis-communications with others were rare, I was not as clear about what I wanted as I had thought. Understanding how others heard what I was saying and interpreted the nonverbal ways I communicated was very eye-opening to me. As part of this, I also learned how mistaken and wrong I could be about other people's motivations and intentions. Now, my mantra is benign in the sense that I don't believe you can know what other people are feeling or intending or why they said and did what they did unless you ask them. I try very hard not to insert my interpretations and over-interpret what other people say or do. It has resulted in more happily connected, close, and loving relationships with my family and friends.

I've also learned how often other people can over-interpret or put their own issues on to me. I remove myself from these communications and limit my contact with people who can't seem to stop themselves from telling me what I should think or feel or do (although people rarely tell me what to do).

The second thing that therapy really helped me discover is what it's like to be mindful, present in this moment, and to leave my past, automatic and reflexive responses to my fantasies. I certainly can't do it all the time, and fail pretty often, but the difference between now and 3 years ago feels huge to me. Things that used to trigger the beejeezus out of me are now much more distant than they used to be. It's almost like my neurology, which used to be easily spooked and defensive, has shifted to a more mellow and open-minded place. The world used to be much more scary and now it's more engaging and fun.