I've learned a lot about myself and how self-protective I am. For me, my marriage has gotten better because I've learned how to communicate my hurts and needs. Before, I got my needs met by being angry which I learned to do because of the way my parents interacted with me. They completely ignore my depression and so when I needed them, and even now when I need them present, I have to practically throw things across the room to get them to respond. They'll write me a check without batting an eye, but *being present* is so foreign to them.

For years my husband would tell me how angry I was and then I realized that's because that's how I think my needs will be met. I moved around *a lot* growing up so outside of my immediate family, my husband is really the only other person I've ever been face to face with long term and so he's kinda been my practice person :-/

Once I realized how I was interacting with my husband, I was able to let him really love me. It still really surprises me because I expect him to ignore me and then... he doesn't.

It's also made me realize I have to push back from my parents. Not that I was uber close to them, but I've let them stick their fingers in my wounds for too long and it's okay to need distance.