Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
I feel so much angish and despair. I just don't feel like trying anymore. I want my T. I'm crying every night, I'm sleeping most of the day, and my thoughts are really bad. But I don't even think she can bring me comfort now. What can she say or do to make me feel better? I just want my hope back.
I just want to quit. Everyone is right. I shouldn't have a child with my fiance. I shouldn't even be with him. I will never be stable enough anyways. The fact I'm tempted to act out on my thoughts just proves it.
I just wanted this one thing. I've worked my entire life towards this one goal, but I will never be good enough. I don't deserve it. There will always be something more I need to improve on. But I have tried so hard. But I'm still not good enough no matter how much I try.
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You are good enough to accomplish your goal of becoming a mother, but you need to face the reality. Of course it's going to hurt your feelings but you need to move past that hurt. Justifying his behavior is not helping you or your situation. You have the power to direct your own life and deserve to be with a partner that doesn't abuse you. This is the ideal time for you to focus on caring for your own health and achieving your goals because you aren't responsible for other people. You are so young it's a shame to settle for a stressful, demanding relationship. If one of the things you want in a partner is father potential, a person with a violent past and a critical, abusive disposition is not that guy. Nor is this a this the DNA you want in your child.
Also, I am pretty confident that your family, pdoc and T are supportive of your decision to stay with your finance because it is ultimately your choice and they can't tell you what to do. I'm sure they really want what's best for you but know they risk alienating you if they push too hard.