I've had major depression for many years, been hospitalized three times and I've tried to kill myself more times than I can count. But I'm WAY too good at making everyone think I'm doing great. I'm the one who helps people through everything. I hate asking for help.

My t right now is not a good fit and I don't know how to leave. If I get another one, that'll be my 6th t! I'm so tired of therapy.
I don't want to go back to the hospital ever again, because people worry about me. It's expensive, it's time consuming, and people become concerned (did I already say that?). But if we're being honest, I'm headed in just that direction.

I need someone to listen to this heart cry, but continually asking for help gets so old so fast.

God has used this heartbreak in so many magnificent ways in the past. But I'm just so sick of it! I want it gone!

I also have narcolepsy, and after failing on every stimulant, this last medication was supposed to be the answer. But it hasn't helped. And one of the side effects can be (and has been) increased depression/suicidal ideation. There is a chance it will start being effective within a month or so, which is why I'm still on it.
But I don't wanna be tired anymore! I don't wanna carry this heavy heart anymore!

Where has all my hope gone?? I don't know what to do.