Thanks, SG, sister, perna, and Lemon for your comments--all very helpful to me. I've been thinking a lot about this even since I made the post and go back and forth on what I would like to do.

SG, rest assured, I would not short my T out of any money that is coming to him. I am very respectful of his need to make a living. I would pay him for 2 sessions even if I only did one, if I canceled too late. That is partly why I am thinking about this in advance, so I have time to cancel so he can fill his schedule. But I would definitely "pay up" for 2 sessions if I had to.

Also, I will definitely discuss with my husband about my desire to cancel, if I decide I really want to. I would not make any unilateral decision. Also, my husband would be free to use our couples session for individual if he wanted. He may need some time alone with T too. I think partly I need to slow things down and I guess one way I thought of doing that was to skip a couples session so I can catch up and my husband and I can catch up as well. But it may not be the best way.

Right now I don't know what to do, but all of your comments add to the mix, and help me consider different ways to handle this. I've only had 2 couples sessions, so I am a real novice at this. I find the dynamics of a couples session really different from individual, as Lemon wrote. Sister, you wrote about letting your unconscious choose what comes up for session. I do that in my individual, but somehow, in couples, it seems different. There are two people there for therapy (as well as a "couple"), and our separate unconsciusnesses are not in sync. Plus my husband doesn't even know how to do that, as he's not been in therapy. It seems like in couples therapy, there is a need to have topics to cover that are of relevance and interest to both people. Although I very much like to choose the direction of my individual therapy session, so far in the 2 couples sessions, I have let T be much more directive--guide the flow and discussion. For how can I (or my unconscious) be the one to determine the session when my husband is there too? Thank goodness, my T has stepped up to the plate, and of course, he has worked with hundreds of couples, so he is an expert at this. So I have pretty much sat back and let him run the show. I am more quiet in our couples sessions than individual, and T notices this. He makes a strong effort to include me and not just let me be a bystander.

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SecretGarden wrote:</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise wrote:
Maybe I don't actually want the couples session to be "productive" until I know what I want to be the outcome? And more processing on my own and discussion with my husband is needed to know the desired outcome, rather than time in therapy with husband and T?

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Well, that is indeed significant. Can your T assist you with any of this or do you wish to handle it on your own?

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SG, I think it is very significant, and really the heart of my current concerns about the sessions. I think one of my main motivations for doing some couples work with T was to break the logjam between my husband and myself, to get us talking. That was accomplished in our first session together. In the following week, we talked more than we had in the last decade. And we have a lot more to talk about, and maybe we don't need T around for this. We have a lot to do on our own, and our talking will help me move forward to the next step. And there is a lot of husband to wife stuff to discuss and T just doesn't need to be a part of all that (it would take years if he had to be!). So maybe T doesn't have a role right now, but in the (near) future when we have resolved some things between us, we will need him again.

Perna, I think you are right on when you suggest I need to talk with my husband. In the last week, I have definitely done a lot of thinking on the therapy and relationship issues on my own. But no discussion together with my husband this week, and we need that. We don't drive anywhere together without our kids, so talking while driving won't work, but maybe we need to make an "appointment" to actually spend some time together to talk. We've been so busy this week that it probably won't happen otherwise.

Thanks again to all for your comments. They've got me thinking.