Ritual abuse, and/or mind control. It's been plaguing me for 32 years. The images. The fear. The endless cycles of what feel like out of my control programs of certain alters' need to harm.
I just learned some info that may have put another piece of that puzzle together. I know it is a dangerous topic and one that is often not looked at. I know there are not likely to be any absolutes. I have some leads on books to read, and blogs and therapist's pages to research.
I also found that moving too quickly (and/or without a solid support system), it can land one in Psych. Like last night.
But I feel the need (compulsion?) to talk about it... to connect with others who might understand about it.
Like poking around a ...a.... oh I don't know. puddle that suddenly turns into a sink hole.
One of the things listed on my Dx on discharge this morning was "Disorganized Thoughts". That's a new one for me. I was trying to be as clear as I could be, but sometimes the mouth just wouldn't work... or it would combine two words together and I'd have to start over. Or the dizziness would take over and I'd have to shake it off like a bunch of flies to get some clear thoughts to try and communicate.
I keep spelling backwards in here.
I keep dripping things!
I think I've gone down the rabbit hole.