Quote:
Originally Posted by guilloche
(((ScarletPimpernel)))
I'm so sorry that you're hurting, and I can't even begin to imagine the pain that you're going through. You ARE GOOD ENOUGH. You are ABSOLUTELY 100% GOOD ENOUGH to have a child - please please don't believe that you're not. You're smart, and empathic, and wonderful... you'd be a GREAT mom.
I'm sorry that you're in a position where having a child might not be the best thing for you, for your fiance, or for the baby. I really hope you can talk more to your T about this and let her support you through it (and let her understand what a huge deal it is for you!), and maybe start working on specifically... what concrete things would your T and pdoc want to see in place before you get pregnant. Sorry if I missed it, but does your fiance want a baby too? Does he want it enough that he might be willing to see a T, or do the anger classes, or do couples therapy, or something to work on his own issues?
And one other thing... I want to validate and agree with your perception that it's not fair that to get the treatments you need to get pregnant you need the sign off of your mental health team. You're right, it's not fair... there are lots of women far less ready and qualified than you are who go get pregnant without thinking about whether they're ready, whether the fathers are ready, and whether they're prepared to support a child. Lots... I've got a friend who works in the court system that terminates parental rights for bad parents - there are really TOO many bad parents out there.
It is not fair  and... unfortunately it sounds like (if I'm reading this right), that's the reality of the situation? (((ScarletPimpernel)))
I wish I had something more helpful to say... other than I'm so sorry that you're dealing with all this. |
Thank you Guilloche.
My fiance does want a child. He's okay with adoption too if that's the route we need to go. I told him today that I really want a baby and if he really wants one too he needs to go to therapy. He doesn't need long term. He needs to learn coping skills to learn how to deal with stress (which is the cause of his anger). He also needs to learn to communicate appropriately with me when he is stress out so I can support him. He's currently practicing listening to me when I express my needs (i.e. when I need my space or when I need him to listen and not try to solve things.) He is trying. My T and Pdoc just want to see more effort. They want him to seek professional help because people normally don't change in this area w/o outside help.
I want my T and Pdoc's honest advice, and I want their full support. I'm not mad at them for giving it to me. I didn't have to listen to them. I could have ignored it and still received meds from the OB/GYN. I choose to listen to their advice. I just wish they would have given me this advice this past year. They knew the deal I had in place.
All I want from my doctors and even people here is support and understanding that while I've made the right decision, it didn't come easy and it's extremely painful. So I thank you Guilloche for your support. I really need as much of it as I can get right now.