Hey Stronger....

I had battled with depression, anxious thoughts, anhedonia, feelings of low self-worth, and a bleak outlook of 'life' for a significant portion of my life. I wish there was something I could tell you that would immediately make you feel better but all I can do is share my experience with you. What I found was that I reached a point where it felt like I had bottomed out. That I just could not continue thinking and feeling the way I had become accustomed to for so long. That I had finally reached the point where I had ENOUGH and couldn't continue down this path any longer. Call it a 'breaking point' - but what happened is that I slowly and gradually began to change. I started to let go of emotional energy (forming 'blockages') that I had carried with me for so long. I started to abandon old ways of thinking & perceiving that were not constructive and were not helping me. I was 'letting go'. What followed during this period of my life were several years of very significant internal 'changes' and growth. Yes there were some ups & downs, some challenging periods, but ultimately all of it was part of a 'awakening' and a purification process that I endured through. I can't go into all of the details right now but it was the most profound experience and the end result was that I shed my former sense of 'self and am now experiencing a completely new state of being that I never would have imagined was possible. One that is free (liberated) from mental suffering. It's important for me to note that this transformative experience was driven internally, it was not brought about by manipulating my external circumstances as it relates to my life 'situation' (job, living location, relationships, etc).

What I can say about this in hindsight is that I realize I had to go through the experience of emptying myself and feeling like I had hit 'rock bottom' before I was finally ready and in a position to rebuild myself into something completely different - a new 'self' experiencing a completely new state of being. I strongly feel it was necessary for me to go through the heartache, the difficulty, and the challenges that I went through - because it was those experiences that brought me to where I am today. I no longer look back on my 'past' with any sense of regret, but with acceptance and the awareness that it was serving a higher purpose. When I reference 'rock bottom' above and mentioned about hitting one's 'breaking point' - I feel the circumstances are quite synonymous with what we associate with addiction/addicts and the process that they sometimes go through. The experience of reaching your lowest point before you are ready to begin to perceive clearly and feel the inspiration and intuition that's required to lift yourself up and re-build yourself into something new'. This may also be sometimes referred to as a person experiencing the 'dark night of the soul'.

I don't want to ramble here but I just wanted to share my story & experiences with you in hopes that it will provide a subtle sense of comfort & assurance that there are many others out who relate to what you're describing going through and who have walked in your shoes - and most importantly to convey to you that you absolutely can work your way through this challenging period of your life and come out of this experiencing a state of being that you never thought was achievable. Hang in there - continue to stay strong and set the intention that you're going to push yourself forward and work on refining/improving yourself at all costs. Try not to think of 'big steps' and 'big results' - it's the little steps and incremental changes that make all the difference. They add up and before your realize it - you look back and suddenly realize that you've made significant progress. The changes and growth begins to snowball and then you carry incredible momentum with you as you purify yourself and say goodbye and party ways with your former way of being.

If you're in need of someone you can share your thoughts & feelings with - you are welcome to message me.

I noticed in your profile that you listed playing the cello as one of your interests. Here is a collection of Vivaldi's Cello Concertos which I really enjoy and have found to promote relaxation and to help calm your physical mind and promote balance:

Vivaldi Cello Concertos