I was diagnosed with Bipolar in July of this year. I am 43 and am sure I have went undiagnosed for years and years. The diagnosis explained some things. In researching it so many other things in my life were explained also. I am still trying to get through the bipolar maze. I have extreme forgetfulness. I didn't realize at first that this can be a part of it. I have had every utility shut off at one time or another, because I just forget. I have overdrew my checking too many times to count. My house is in foreclosure due to my carelessness. I use alcohol to deal with it all. During my highs I talk non-stop to anyone, even strangers in the grocery store. I spend in a careless manner. I can be up when the world is crashing around.When I'm depressed I constantly fantasize about suicide, which to me is the scariest part. Even though I don't feel I would ever do it, it still scares me. I have had hallucinations, which until recently I thought were real. Today I have been in my room all day, thinking my family is talking about me and hating me. My rational mind knows this is not true, but I can't help those thoughts. I know my husband does not understand completely what is going on. He only gets a small part of it and is on the verge of leaving. I've been taking Lamictal since being diagnoses. I am on 200mg per day. Not sure if I should change medicine entirely or supplement it. I start therapy next month. So, that's where it's at. This is probably too open for an online forum, but I feel better just talking about it (or writing). Thanks for reading!