No one here is judging you, I know I'm not, we can't know unless we are in your shoes. We can only speculate based on our own lives and situations. If he truly wants to be a parent, he will go to counseling. And I respectfully don't agree he won't need "much." It takes a long time to break a habit. And becoming a parent, with the crying, the care, and the added financial strain, can take a toll. For the first 5 months of my son's life, my husband and I (not abusive in any way) were at each other's throats due to lack of sleep and major surgery for me. And just to share....one of my dearest friends is in a marriage where her husband treats their sons well, and is involved in their lives. he treats HER like crap, and in front of them. Nothing physical, all verbal. But her sons, ages 8 and 12, are starting to talk to her just like he does, because that's all they know. What really hurts is knowing they are learning this trait, therefore may treat their wives the same way their dad treats theirs. It's not our business.... but we have a choice, to an extent, in setting up a good life for our children. The hints are there for you loud and clear.