I never drink when it would be likely for her to find out it interact with me. However, it's worse for a lot of reasons. For one, I am too afraid to eat in front of them so I have to wait until late at night to eat and then go upstairs and make the food in terror of being caught. So I drink on an empty stomach and I can't eat much during or afterwards. It sometimes makes it harder to figure out when real life stops and the memories begin. I end up just crying alone in the basement and shaking with fear. I guess I do that even when sober, but drunk is worse. I get closer to cutting again though. Last night, I nearly went into my dad's workshop and got something to really do some damage, but I was able to remember that I had a voice recording that LCM made for me in our last session before break taking me through stuff like that so I just listened to it on repeat while crying until I vomited and passed out asleep.