Hi Kas ~ I'm 45 and just diagnosed BP last month. I have been on every anti depressant for the last 19 years for "depression" until I finally saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed BP. You sound like you wrote about me! Once I knew I had BP and looked back on my life it ALL made sense. I have found these boards extremely helpful to hear from those who have been there and those who feel just like you! Hang in there... Keep posting if that's what helps and try journaling... I have found that to be helpful!