This is probably my anxiety medication speaking... Maybe I'll delete it later when I come to my senses.

I have a child who was recently born with a very rare disease. I am her caregiver and will be for life. I have to see things I'd rather not see. She has to endure things that no child, or person for that matter, should. The future is muddled with different visions that are of varying degrees of difficulty and only time will tell how it really goes.

There are regular every day things that we can't do with her and others that we have to be incredibly careful of. We have to be cautious daily to ensure she never requires hospitalization or suffers worse consequences.

The things I want for her life are lost in the mix along with the visions of our family doing various things over the years. We will still do things, yes, but they will be different.

I struggle to deal with all this. I find myself wrapped in a mess of depression and anxiety and I am very alone. I wish I could find someone who knew how I feel and truly understands exactly what I am faced with.

I hate to say it, but I've never had mental health issues in my lifetime. I have always gotten through whatever I'm faced with, but for the first time ever I can't just get through it as it is my life. I have lost grip on myself and my mind. I struggle with how out of control I feel. I am worried that I will never gain that control back.

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