Hello, i would really appreciate any input, please.

at this point, i dont think i am made for relationships, but still thats all i want. i want a boyfriend, then husband, kids... a family.

but everytime i am in a relationship i feel trapped and like pushing him away. i thought it was due to my intimacy fears but i've faced them and i dont think thats the problem anymore, or not all about that only.

whats wrong with me?

i have the boyfriend of my dreams, i love him, but i dont feel "in love" and i rarely feel excitement, happiness, desire.... i keep thinking i want to be left alone. but i dont want to give up. he is the right one, i know it, but my stupid feelings get in the way.

any idea of why thats happening? what do i do?
please, some help? i dont want to ruin my life with my own hands again.