When you've been through similar situations it's hard not to try to share how the situation is not as hopeless as you think. I understand how hard it is to see things from another perspective and do apologize if anything I wrote was insensitive or judgmental. Just know that everything that Ive seen on this thread seems to express how responsible you are and how well you seem to be doing. I can see how you may feel awful since these are major life decisions and change is hard- really hard. You are not alone in your feelings.