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I've been constantly feeling just this huge emptiness and like I have no importance at all or like my life or even myself as a person doesn't matter. The great thing is that these thoughts are the only things left to remind me that I also exist. Things are too much work and no one understands the way I feel. But that's just as usual as everything else. Simply, I'm a ghost that just keeps observing things. Because I don't exist as a 'person', I can observe the world detached, and I still only feel that it's just a bad dream where good things are too brief and weak to last.
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I so understand your words and I get it. I feel this huge emptiness and like I really have no importance at all myself. I too feel no one understands the way I feel and I feel now I am hiding from everyone, so that no one has to try anymore. I have tried so often for it to come back at me, somehow, someway, and now I feel like I am invisible, or maybe it is I want to be, and that even my words don't really matter anymore.
I feel that others forget that I too have a mental illness, one that does not just go away, one I fight everyday of my life. So you shut down, hide, and try not to be anything at all. But that is wrong too. I'm told I didn't do this to myself, yet I have to figure it out and heal. But the truth is, I really haven't a clue to how to do that, I've learned through all within just how to be for everyone. Within all just protect the only way they know how or were instructed to. And the living in a dream, I have said that so often, but that is all I can say right now about that.
I tried to write a better response other than these words, but I can't post it. I have done this now several times in this last week, tried to answer someone just to feel afraid and like it doesn't matter. But I just wanted you to know that I did read what you wrote, it makes so much sense, and I hear and understand more than you know.
dps