Thanks so much for this lilodian4ever!

1- "About the neck pain, I really don't have enough context to say what could be causing that ... I really feel you should get that checked out by a doc."
I think that IS a sleep issue, I have a good mattress but the crazy way I sleep is not conducive to good therapeutic rest. I have not slept a whole night soundly for 22 MONTHS...I think my situation is telling from that, many articles warn about all the ills that can come about from lack of good sleep. Wish I could afford a really good mattress system, like a sleep number bed. I think a better pillow might help. But truly in the beginning, were we designed to sleep on a fancy mattress? No. On the ground? Who knows. Getting in such a predicament as mine brings about such thoughts! My neck does feel better today, so I will take that and be happy. Meanwhile, I am going to keep trying to figure out how to get better sleep. It is getting better than it was. And I do plan to find a better primary md, mine is not very good.

2- "Now, coming to your exercise program: Yes, start very slowly, and work your way up as you feel ready for it. As for your fear of collapsing, I seriously doubt that. Don't be afraid to take that first step. This is really the wisest thing I could recommend to anyone on this planet. Exercise does absolute wonders for us. It saved my life. I cannot emphasize this enough. Let exercise form the foundation for your recovery."

This is great advice. I could go to a "Y" with my insurance for free. They have a lot of good programs and there is one not too far from me. My whole problem is the fear that something will go wrong, I won't be able to do much and I will get sick. I have gotten sick after over doing it in a gym. An over zealous personal trainer. I think the fear is what's behind my reluctance. Not to mention that I feel awful until about 3 or 4 in the afternoon. I do strongly want to believe that exercise may be the key to changing my life. It is going to be really tough to take the first step!!!

3- "In general, I think what's missing in your life is a sense of having control. When we feel like we don't have control over our lives, we can begin to feel overwhelmed and helpless and powerless."

Right again, sadly. I have never felt like I had complete control but I have had WAY more in the past. I could go to work and make money. I could drive much better with the 'help' of klonopin. That is not just in the cards of course, the stuff is poison and toxic to my system. With my income, the high cost of living plus constant anxiety and worrying overtaking my whole life, I feel very powerless and fairly helpless. Can't see much hope in my financial future. No glimmer of hope that I might meet another mate to help support me, that's what we women were taught to look for in the future. And that is not what I would want a mate for! That would only be a bonus. I definitely felt overwhelmed during the holidays, that has eased up now.

4- "Some ideas to help regain control:- Exercise, good nutrition, 8 hours of sleep: This is the foundation ... good health.
- Better time management: Come up with lists of things you do that you shouldn't, and things you don't do that you should. Make time for the more important things and cut out the non-essentials. For example, less time for Facebook, more time for exercise and preparing healthful meals.
- Better organization of things at home: A filthy or cluttered home can be very depressing to live in. Throw out or donate things you don't need, organize things so they are easy to find.
- Decorate your home: Make your home an soothing and comfortable environment for yourself. Pot a plant, get a few candles, put up some art work on the walls, etc. This can make a huge difference. Make your home a place you want to come home to.
- Regularity in your daily routine: Establish a well-defined yet flexible routine, that will give you a sense of stability and predictability and control. Plan your sleep, your meals, and be consistent. A routine can really help restore normalcy in a life otherwise full of chaos or emptiness.
- Find a hobby or hobbies: Stay occupied. An idle mind is the devil's workshop. There are a million things to do in this world. Find a few that appeal to you and make each day count. Do something you find interesting, whether that's knitting or playing sports or learning to dance, whatever."

My house is not a mess, but could stand some improvement in clutter in certain areas, a dreaded 'junk' room that needs cleaning and definitely could be made to look nicer. I have let that area go. Lack of funds cited!

I try to make myself get up as early as I can and have some sort of routine. It is not in sync with the rest of the world, it's the best I can do considering my inability to go to sleep at night until 2-3am!
My one hobby the last year or so has been to learn how to really cook well which has wreaked havoc on my weight I think, but if I did not eat the good stuff, I would surely be eating the junk.

My diet definitely needs an over haul. Being a diabetic and celiac makes it all very challenging to say the least! I have to eat gluten free strictly. Trying to cook all gluten free is difficult but really that is what started me trying to eat better. I follow the food networks online and tv, I have learned a LOT!

FACEBOOK...have had many a bad day due to that, but if I do not go there, I have trouble keeping up with the grandchildren. My daughter in law posts everything, sometimes to my detriment. I only look at her page occasionally now, but Facebook has become a hobby. I reconnected somewhat with long lost cousins. However, I can get all wrapped up in the controversy. The very negative remarks on news stories, the haters. I've turned into quite a hater myself at times, which I HATE!!! I need to stop reading the nasty comments...but will I? I do try to not post comments myself. What is wrong with people anymore? Were all these mean spirited people out there before? I guess so. My mindset has definitely gone downhill. I see a story and immediately think something negative. That is not a good trend.

Well, I think I have rambled enough here. I agree with you whole heartedly lilodian4ever. Thanks so much again for well thought out reply. Time for me to get off my duff and get to work.

And thanks to all for your thoughtful replies...